Holiday Loss

by Bluestone Psychological Services

Losing a loved one, whether through death, divorce or a break up, can take the wind out of us. When the holidays come around, the weight of your sadness and grief can feel almost crippling. The joy of those around you, pressure to celebrate, and the loss of previously cherished traditions can make every day seem unbearable.

So, how do you get through this unavoidable time when you really just want to sit this one out or wake up when it’s over? While every person’s experience is different, the following coping methods can help you survive the holidays after a loss.

1. It’s Okay to Not Feel Great

You’re not feeling like yourself this year, and that’s okay. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to celebrate the same way you did before. If you don’t feel like cooking on the holidays or shopping for gifts, then don’t. While the holidays can make you feel like you need to be happy all the time, this simply isn’t true. Remember that it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to miss your loved one and feel sad about creating a new future without them.

2. Ask for Help

Communicate with your family and friends. Let them know that you just don’t feel up to it and ask for help. They will understand and will be thankful to have an opportunity to make things a bit easier for you.

3. Create New Traditions

Reminiscing about  after the loss of a loved one or relationship can feel good as well as break your heart. Don’t try to force yourself to keep them going unless you’re really sure that you want to.

4. Permission to Let it Go

Whether it’s putting up decorations, cooking a certain dish, or watching a favorite holiday movie, if the thought of it feels like too much, then give yourself permission to let it go. In the years to come, you’ll either find that interest again or you’ll create new traditions that make the most sense for your changed life.

5. Take Time for Yourself

While you don’t want to isolate yourself too much when you’re grieving, you still may find that you need more time for yourself than you did before. Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays that you let your self-care slip. It’s more important now than ever. Take naps when you need them, take some time away from work, and recognize when you need to be alone as well as with others.

6. Supporting Your Children

If you have children, give them space to talk about their feelings of grief and invite them to let you know what they want to make sure you still do during the holidays. Their world has also changed and they will benefit from feeling a sense of control and reassurance that it’s okay to feel happy too. They won’t hurt anyone’s feelings and you may even find a bit of cheer for yourself along the way.

5. Honor Your Sadness and Joy

Take the time to acknowledge your feelings and let yourself experience them as they are. Also, don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself smiling, feeling content, or even experiencing joy. Happy moments will come to you, and when they do, give yourself permission to embrace them. No matter how you feel, be authentic. There is no right or wrong way to get through this, and trying to push yourself into something that doesn’t feel right simply takes too much effort.

When Do Will You Need More Support?

There are times when the feelings and thoughts are too much. If you are feeling isolated please call us for support. If you are losing hope, call us for an appointment. If you have taken psychiatric medication in the past and want to restart, our providers have immediate appointments. Click Here to complete the quick and easy contact form.