Stop Your Anger: April Fools! Anger is a Naturally Occurring Feeling

By Bluestone Psychiatric Services

The scientist Louis Pasteur once said, “Chance favors the prepared mind.” That phrase can also be good advice for dealing with problematic anger. Have you ever been told that you have an “anger management” problem or a short fuse? The western culture often wants us to STOP OUR ANGER.

Perhaps your anger cause you to:

• “lose it” and behaved badly
• yelled at others over minor differences
• acted far out of proportion to what was called for
• found yourself making proverbial mountains out of mole hills.

Intense anger can cause us to lose perspective and to act against our better judgment. In honor of April Fool’s Day – anger is a normal healthy emotion we are all expected to manage but stopping it is counterproductive. It’s often helpful to view anger on a spectrum of intensity from feeling mildly annoyed all the way to enraged. At its best, anger helps us feel empowered; calling us to action. At its worst, it can overwhelm our best thinking and get us into trouble if we can’t let it go. We experience all intensities of anger. It’s part of being human. In fact, the label “Anger Management” is a fool’s phrase because all emotions need to be is respected and heard.

In order to deal with anger more effectively, it is often helpful to explore and examine our level of understanding and try 4 general skill areas: 1. Self-care 2. Cognition 3.Communication. 4. Psychiatric Medication.

Self Care for Anger

It’s hard to stop anger but self care can help. Self-care or nurturing skills include relaxation, getting regular sleep, basic hygiene, regular play and exercise, coping skills and routines don’t leave us exhausted by the end of the week. Ask yourself, “Do I plan enough time to simply be a human being and not an overly busy human doing? What makes me feel more alive and connected?” Perhaps it’s time to allow yourself to explore and develop your interests. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, our skill-sets, our limits. Get to know yours.

Cognitive Skills

Cognitive skills have to do with thoughts and attitudes. Are the messages that we give ourselves and send to others helpful? Or do our thoughts keep us stuck in old unhelpful patterns? Perhaps we unconsciously criticize ourselves mercilessly with negative self-statements? Viktor Frank gave us the example of concentration camp survivors during WWII and how they found meaning in their lives because they understood the power (and necessity) of managing their own attitudes under the worst conditions imaginable. That certainly puts things into perspective.

Communication

Communication is how we interact with others. Do we socialize enough? Can we ask for our needs to be met in an assertive rather than hostile or aggressive manner? Do we find ourselves agonizing over conflicts, or do we tend to avoid conflict in general and withdraw and/or isolate? Can we be “good enough” parents to ourselves, encouraging ourselves, being gentle and not be overly self-critical?

Psychiatric Medication

Some intense anger can be attributed to depression, anxiety, or even bipolar disorder. Psychiatric medication may allow you to implement the skills you have learned. Talk to your therapist or have one of our Bluestone Psychiatric Medicine Providers evaluate your specific situation.

How does anyone deal with anger which can feel so overwhelming? We need to regulate moods and physiological responses as a part of typical growth and development – from childhood through adolescence and throughout adulthood. Anger can often alert us to something deeper. For example, irritability and fatigue which often appears as anger can be signaling the onset of depression. Anger can also indicate a personal boundary violation that may not yet be realized.

Nobody does this kind of work perfectly. If we are willing to learn and to grow from our experiences, we can learn to deal with our moods and emotions in safer and more effective ways. We can be “pro”-active rather than re-active and be more prepared when the time comes.

There’s professional counseling and psychiatric medicine available. Contact Bluestone Psychological Services for an collaboration today!

 

Additional contributions by:

John Moyer, M. Ed., LPC