Relationship Boundaries for Everyday People

Debunking the Myths of Boundaries with Friends, Partners and Family

By Bluestone Psychological Services

A boundary is where I end and you begin. It is meant to be defining. Its goal is both simultaneous protection and connection. They protect the goodness of ourselves; our talents, skills, and characteristic traits. They connect us to others to form a strong bond. The better each person knows the goodness of themselves, the better they can collaborate with another person.

Here are ways to set healthy boundaries in relationships:

• Accepting and Declining – first know what you want and need. Agree to things that are best for you. Reject anything you know you don’t want to do.
• Replying in the Moment – even if you are not clear internally of what you want or don’t want, have a strategy for the moment and reply to it.
• Expressing your Emotions – find caring, responsible ways to have your feelings. You can be mad without hurting yourself or others. You can be sad without destroying your future. You can be proud without gloating.
• Speaking Directly to your Experience – be cautious of ideals that don’t match your observations and noticing. Speak to your actual experiences and honesty will prevail.
• Addressing Problems Directly –  triangulation is when you use a third party to express yourself. If there is a problem, so to that person directly (while taking in the above recommendations) and address it.
• Making your Expectations Clear – if we have learned anything over the past six years, we know people see things quite differently. If you have expectations of your children, spouse, partner, employees; let them know clearly what they are.

Break Boundary Myths

People are concerned about setting boundaries because they believe the myth that conflict will create isolation. They would rather be superficially liked, then authentically appreciated, due to the risk of setting limits with their partners, friends, and family. More often than not, a boundary helps define a person’s wants and needs allowing for others to care and love them more freely.

Let your Yes be Yes

If your Yes means No, then what does your No mean? Be clear about what you want and need. If you respond Yes, let it mean Yes. If you have difficulty saying No, then take time to answer until you can build the courage to communicate it.

If boundary setting in relationships is very difficult for you, please contact us. A trained, collaborative yet caring professional can guide you in the process of healthy boundaries.